Its probably also one of those things where its socially more acceptable for a lady to do it than a gentleman. Granted, this could mean nothing, but its impossible for me to know whats going on since the only place that I ever see him is in this store. Im gonna join the dont do it! train. How do you tell an answerer that you think their answer needs work? Asking someone out should never sound like a mere business transaction; this could put off anyone from accepting your invitation! Correct If youre a regular, you can talk to her casually until she gets used to seeing you. has the world just gotten that much more creepy? I believe we're all mature enough to understand the fact that people react differently to you based on how they feel about you. I had to over-analyze every word that came out of my mouth so as not to sound too friendly or encouraging. Even when we were together, hed come by to check up on me, hed get a little bit jealous if he saw me talking to other guys. Theres no reason to be too embarrassed to ever return upon rejection unless youre either serenading the guy in a public show, or if you be otherwise dramatic or persistent about it. By doing this, you will actually get more insight regarding whether she likes you or she is just being polite. Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures, I own a game store with a terrible manager who I'm afraid to fire. There's a reason advances are looked down upon in these situations: it's not about the no/yes, it's about the fact that the likelihood of an honest answer being expected or given in such a situation is low, close to impossible. Flirt more. Thats how its been done forfreakingever. What does it mean when the girl changes her number after bre My ex gf stood me up. My Question is how can I ask for her number, or ask her out for a coffe while she is only sitting at the cash point? ;). maybe?? I took her for granted and now shes gone. Im not saying these were nice guys who decided not to tip if you didnt take the bait, but I couldnt choose who sat in my section I just had to hope they were going to tip me. But I did once have someone hit on me, and to me the difference is generally pretty clear. but to me, Id take being asked out as a form of flattery, even if I wasnt interested This crap makes me want to flip tables. Obtaining it can be challenging, but with some guidance and dedication, you, Read More How To Ask A Cashier Out?Continue, Score a volley in FIFA 22 by pressing and holding the shoot button when receiving a coordinated pass near the goal. Were not talking about sexual harassment, for heavens sake, its coffee (or actually, better causal ideas downstream). This is how normal people meet, during the course of a normal day. At any rate, I dont want to do anything to make him uncomfortable, and if things go awry then Ill most likely try to avoid him or stop shopping at this place altogether, which would be really inconvenient, so would really appreciate your advice. I would go so far as to say that if you, man, think an employee, woman, likes you, to think deeply about how good your judgement in this area typically is before you ask her out in said low-key, low-pressure way. Which then bums me out further. Yuck! Meaning; talking to her each time you go shopping, exchanging some humor and eventually get to know her name. (Not that youre Lisa, OP, just that its a humorous musical way of showing how two folks interpreted the same interaction!). So if it were me, Id just say, Hey, would you want to grab coffee sometime? If they say no outright, or if they say things that imply that theyre not so interested (I dont know, my schedules kind of crazy etc. ask Make sure you speak clearly. Sadly due to lack of nametag I do not. I must disclose agenda: I want a world where women are inherently safe and empowered. While giving your note you could say: [while receiving your change] "Thanksand oh this is for you You can read it later! It made me question my behavior and be mad at myself for smiling a lot and just being casual and courteous. Awkwardness all round. Offer to leave your number or contact details so that they can reach out if interested. If you do say anything, I suggest giving her an easy out, such as: "Would you like to get coffee after work, or do you have a policy against socializing with customers?". This looks for me like a long comment and not like an answer. Maybe we could get cheese fries on another day, then you know. It stops being flattering at a certain point, and even then there is ALWAYS the pressure of Im at work how can I respond in a way that will keep this persons business and not cause a scene and get me in trouble with my boss?. Needless to say, I got hit on a LOT. In an ideal world, a polite request for a date wouldnt be totally inappropriate. Stack Exchange network consists of 181 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow, the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers. That's not inappropriate at all and could happen in a nice way without putting her in an uncomfortable position. Hello, OP here. She could say yes, no, or not respond to the question. ( However, I wouldnt give too much info about the places you frequent, just because you dont know him that well. At one library where I worked, we were actually told to stop wearing our nametags because there was so much of this. Canadian of Polish descent travel to Poland with Canadian passport. See thats how it should be and how it generally happens in my world, but Im getting the impression that these days theres a lot more creepy people out there and like I said earlier thats just sad that our world has gotten to the point where people assume the worse first and not the other way around. I declined. Important: you give your number and dont ask for his number, and you do it on paper so that you dont need to text to his number or handle his phone to input anything. I've just met a guy, he may be the one! Because at least some of us have gotten really, really scary reactions from men when we turned them down. Its realllllly hard to know someones sexual orientation when discussing a cinnamon bun or what have you. If I didnt think i would get tipped if I turned them down, I gave them a fake phone number and then smiled when they left me a whopping tip behind. If she says "no", just say "no problem, thanks". Try to keep your same happy attitude towards her whatever the result. just joking. These guys write Odes of Undying Love and Devotion to the people who make their coffee every morning, and generally feel like its reciprocated because they smile at me every time I come in. Thanks for your perspective on this Bri because this is something that I was really wondering about. Hmm I once gave my phone number to someone who worked the counter at a restaurant after seeing them there a few times. I worked in restaurants for years and later on in customer service and sales. I got hit on by so many men when I was 16ish that could have been my father. To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. Can I use the spell Immovable Object to create a castle which floats above the clouds? Retail employees have to be nice to customers. Its HER fantasy. Thats sad. should I take my Etsy business off my resume? It would be ok if you ran into an employee somewhere else organically. Citation please Im genuinely interested in this, Studies have actually found that men are just as capable as women at understanding nonverbal communication/soft nos. Don't make it awkward. Of course, if their smoke break is in a back alley behind the supermarket this can't work (seeking her out there would constitute stalking). The pressure to respond positively to those interactions to avoid A Scene is so high! By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. It was so non-creepy that I didnt even realize it was a request for a date until the end of the day. Restarting your mission in Red Dead Redemption 2 is relatively simple, provided you know where to go. I think youll only figure that out if you can talk to him outside of work. They have to smile and pretend like everything you say is hilarious and engage in chitchat. Ive never worked in retail and dont really have the personality where I would feel comfortable asking somebody out first, but I really like these stories! Can you try something more neutral, like inviting him out to hang out with you and a group of friends? Hopefully she will respond. It is not out of the realm of possibility that someone might make a complaint, factual or otherwise, about a retail worker who turned him/her down. But my biggest problem is I'm pretty shy with people I don't know and I'm really worried about being "that guy". Anyway, I begged her not to ask him out, at least not while I was there because I have been put in that situation at work before and I wanted no part of it, and especially not before we paid because I was worried he might think his tip depended on his answer. She might even get her manager to deny you access to the store. As the others have pointed out, you have got a bit of a captive audience and that needs to be respected. My band's playing at the Speakeasy this Thursday, and I wanted to let you know about it. How To Ask When people tell you over and over again that this behavior is not flattering or OK, replying with Yeah, but *I* wouldnt feel that way is about the opposite of empathy. For instance whether she looks at you in the eyes while answering, if her answers are short, if she asks you something as well, etc. Start off with a simple conversation, like asking how their day is going or making a comment on their work. It can end well! I have no idea if men in customer service experience this as well, but I know the men that I worked with almost never dealt with unwanted sexual attention from customers. He didnt have any way of knowing that his asking me out was going to be such an issue for me, but it still made work awkward and scary for a while, and I did my best to avoid him from then on. I would not go to a private residence alone if I hadnt hung out with someone before. Where I grew up (the UK) it is completely normal, typical and acceptable to engage in conversation with shopkeepers. That doesnt mean that you should never do it or that it never works out, but it does mean thatif youre going to do it, its key to approachit in a low-key way that makes it really, really easy for the personto say no. But I was going to come and suggest something like, Are you going to the ZYX event? But he wasnt asking her out. A simple compliment or two can go a long way in making a good impression on someone; let them know what drew you towards them in the first place! There is some amazing advice here, from so many perspectives. Since the OP is the customer, if read it correctly, the OP should ask the question. Do not do this in a situation where someone cant leave or cant answer 100% honestly (positive or megative). Honestly, I think you get lucky or you dont on meeting people. is it time to put my employee on a formal improvement plan? And its fine to say Cool, could I bring my friend Xanthippe? and then do so, check the address and person out beforehand, and bail at any time. No outside videos or links - mods dont have to verify if it follows the rules. Im sure the OP isnt looking to treat the worker like a piece of meat for their amusement. The worst that could happen to whom? There are those rare occasions where it works out and they get married and live happily ever after, and Im an absolute sucker for those stories of taking a chance and it working out wonderfully. I'm aware that Germans are renowned for being very direct people, though, so it could be the right move to do after all. I also had people hang around the cash register after I had finished ringing them up try to continue to talk to me. phillist this is what immediately sprung to mind to me when I read this question. The way she did it was to grab another waitress and say hey, Id like to give my number to our waiter. She called, and shortly after she was on my couch. I've never seen you before." Its be a nice pick me up for the day. I understand the situation, and if you really want to know her and you think the signs look good, then I suggest go for it. I suggest you consider Even if you think this guy might really like you, youre going to have to take it slow. I had a long conversation with a nice guy at a mom-and-pop camera store, and I felt intrigued. And heres my story to support that: back in my retail days, I worked in a shop that primarily catered to women, and men coming in tended to get a bit of special attention since they were something of a rarity (and often needed a little extra help from the employees). WebIf you're a regular, you can talk to her casually until she gets used to seeing you. Then why the hell were you flirting with me non-stop for days? Look the cashier in the eyes when talking and stand up straight as you chat. Here's my number'. I think Aaron indicated clearly that being flattered is tied specifically to an appropriate non-creepy invitation; he didnt suggest that any type of behavior is flattering as long as theres romantic interest. Again, only partake this if it genuinely is by chance. If you're awkward around women, and the cashier is the only girl talking to you in your whooooole entire life, then try shopping in another supermarket. It's long enough to exchange more than a couple of sentences and gauge interest. In all seriousness, young and youngish women in customer-service jobs are frequently dealing with a more-0r-less daily barrage of men who interpret smiled at me and was polite as wants me, and it can be exhausting and, yes, scary, since a significant fraction of men dont take a polite no thanks well. Theres nothing wrong with letting someone know youre interested as long as it is no-pressure, you dont treat them differently afterward, and you are OK with being shot down. Casual, heres my number, and then leave it. her safety and comfort was maintained by having someone she knew and was familiar with approach her discretely. To restart a mission in Red Dead Redemption 2, you must first locate. Id also like to point out that for all of your talk about women having agency and being liberated, that youre not actually listening to all of the women who have posted here saying that they do not enjoy being hit on/creeped on/asked out by customers at their place of work and that they just want to do their job without feeling like a Playboy bunny. We dated for close to a year, and when it ended, it did not end well. I worked retail all through college and I never really had anyone ask me out (apparently Im the exception based on these comments?) Simple things. is this situation safe? whenever someone flirts with you. -he remembered her each time, knew and remembered details about her (where she worked, what her schedule was like, her name), etc. That doesnt mean that I feel the same way having crude comments shouted at me on the street. Or some other thing where you set out an opportunity to see you, an easy one, and see if he takes it. She was probably scared shitless. At the time, it didnt seem safe to tell a random stranger my sexual orientation- especially when my co-workers didnt even know (long story, that..). My main concern was that I didnt want to put this person in an uncomfortable position or jeopardize his job, and what youve recommended sounds like it would work so thanks very much for the advice :), Oops, that was supposed to be a response to and we danced from the ocean. Is "I didn't think it was serious" usually a good defence against "duty to rescue"? In my opinion, her attitude towards the dynamic of the relationship between you is critical to understanding the best way to proceed. Thank you for the follow-up. A: Rejection can be tough, but its important to accept it gracefully. It pays She has an easy escape: "Back to work, bye". Its hella awkward for them and unlikely that the connection youre feeling is real. I met my husband in a bar; I met my previous boyfriend at our mutual workplace. Act normal. Yes, this. Does it really matter if the guy is asking her out because hes acutely horny or just anticipates being horny? Look, retail employees get hit on day in and day out. Oy vey! You can't pressure a woman into being attracted to you. Although again, sadly, he still might have a GF. WebBe well dressed. I know I have a weirdly strong opinion on this, but no. It's up to you to weigh the pros and cons and do your choice, make the one which will leave you with less regrets as possible. The OP posts an innocuous I see you every day at the 7-11 and I think youre cute but the employee thinks she posted the one that lists off 200 acts the Kama Sutra never dreamed of. Its just as uncomfortable and frustrating. Well, the tricky thing about asking out someone in a customer service position is that their job requires them to be nice to you. That context is something that men need to be aware of when deciding its ok to flirt with a woman in a particular situation-which I think is what you were getting at. I think the best thing to do is go in right before close and mention something like Ive been craving cheese fries from place super nearby I was going to go with my friend but they bailed. The employee being hit on? But what happens after, due to the dynamics of her life is, every time I go to that damn shop, she will feel somewhat at unease. Ugh, do you know how most men respond to being turned down? Idiot. Move on quickly and dont take it personally. You might get the label 'creep' and you might find that your shopping experience will drop dramatically. Anyway, it doesn't have to be a rock band, it could be a sporting match, play, whatever - just as long as it's a small enough venue (Taylor Swift concert is much too large) and the entry cost isn't too high. If you buy e.g. So I guess its possible for these things to work out. But regardless of where the pendulum swings, they are stuck behind that counter, so theres a power issue. business was business; and business with her was not interrupted for personal reasons. You catch feelings after you get to know her, not before. the expected level of anonymity and dehumanization :-) ) it is probably culturally accepted that if the person in front of you is engaging in conversation with the cashier, you politely wait. It's public enough (assuming there's people around) and therefore reasonably safe, but private enough to not be embarassing. Id love a womans advice on how to go about this, because I want to do it the right way for both parties involved. Tip number 2 for getting cashier girls: To seduce a cashier girl, be very well dressed and be well groomed. This is also a longshot. Studies show that men are not actually able, on average, to pick up on disinterest, if theyre interested in the person. Ubuntu won't accept my choice of password. If she's interested, she'll follow it unless unable. I mean, she's a cute cashier, she probably gets hit on on the regular. With this knowledge in mind, she's common-senseley (making up words!) Asking is out is just Let me know if youd like to grab coffee sometime. And yes getting asked out does often make me feel uncomfortable if Im not interested. I'll be wearing (something noticeable, such as a red hat, which hopefully you are sporting the day you visit the store). Cookie Notice Hello, OP here. Back to the prerequisites of whimsy. Versus waitstaff who are being grossly hit on by customers know if they go stop talking to me like that, they just cost themselves the tip. Secretarial positions suck for this, too for what Im sure are the same reasons. Who do I talk to about putting something on the store's bulletin board? Youre missing the point. MMmmm Chipotle. I wouldnt have even thought twice about it it honestly never would have occurred to me that it might cause issues for the employee, or that this was a common issue for retail employees to deal with! To the owner of the shop. (Helpful hint: if hell only text and wont talk on the phone, that is often a sign that he has an SO of some kind). He got aggressive with her when he found out I wasnt there, demanding to know where I was and when Id be back. Since there's a lineup it may be easiest if you have your number written on a piece of paper to leave it with her. My band is playing at the Speakeasy Thursday night, we're so excited.". There joined a new cashier in my local food product market. My Question is how can I ask for her number, or ask her out for a coffe while she is on I find the other answers very unusual, which illustrates there must be some kind of cultural difference at play. Not discussions on the state of dating or generalized situations. When hes done ringing you up say something that acknowledges how weird what your about to do is and then state that if he never calls you thatll be cook and you can both forget all about it forever. Meh. I am 21 years old and living in a large city in Germany where smalltalk in local markets is not a common thing. WebIf a cashier asks out a customer, its easier for the customer to shop at another store or time. young and youngish women in customer-service jobs are frequently dealing with a more-0r-less daily barrage of men who interpret smiled at me and was polite as wants me . Since the store is just 5 min away from my place I visit regularly and don't want to leave a bad impression there. Hes always nice and professional, but makes sure that his suitor knows that he has a serious girlfriend. And the never mentioning it again is mandatory. Working retail, this happens so, so frequently that it stops being flattering and becomes another work annoyance that you have to deal with, plus the unease of not knowing how someone is going to react if you reject them. For me, this was the least offensive way someone ever 'shopped' for me, because due to professionalism I could just ignore it. Make yourself stupid by doing Some do. then nope. And if you did look very good, you wouldn't ask this question, so I'll make the assumption. ask her out. Yeah, thats a sitcom episode waiting to happen. Some people can make it work, sometimes. Resin is a vital resource for Conan Exiles players wanting to expand their base and create unlocks. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. Sadly, some people prey on strangers they consider potentially vulnerable, regardless of gender. Thanks msbadbar, I loved your story, especially about your dad! As a woman, Im also flattered when Im politely asked out, even though I do not accept the invitations (Im married). Yes, and if you work in retail and your boss is an arsehole who thinks making a customer unhappy is a fireable offence or just if the one whos asking you out wont stop bugging you at work, etc etc. After we left the store, my dad muttered, well, he seemed to like you ok. (Sidenote: my dad and I never, ever talk about anything remotely related to me dating. She did fret for quite a bit over whether she was misreading general customer-facing friendliness for flirting, or whether he really was interested in her, but only platonically. Here are some tips on how to ask a cashier out: Take the time to start a conversation. It was more of a problem dealing with the guys that worked nearby and shoppers in public areas. As several others already have replied - it depends where you are and the (as yet) unknown chemistry between you and the cashier. And above all, don't pressure her. Playing offense in Madden 21 takes skill, strategy and knowledge. I had my co-worker give him a note from me and he did call me up. These results are similar to where the pay gap stood in 2002, when Sheez. About a decade ago, I worked in a store that had mostly male customers. And of course, a lot of people would prefer not to field come-ons while theyre working. Get their attention by saying something like I was wondering if youd like to grab dinner sometime rather than Will you go out with me? At my local supermarket, some of the cashiers take smoke breaks near the public the entrance of the supermarket. OP here, thanks for sharing your sweet, funny story. Or (Im being serious here, even though Im in my later 30s) add him on Facebook? Another way might be something along the lines of: Its always nice to chat with you [name.] This seems like a bit of an overreaction to someone stating their opinion in a non-rude or abrasive manner. You can deduce from both verbal and nonverbal cues what her feelings towards you are, whether she's friendly because of her professionalism or because she actually wants to be your friend. If you are standing in a queue and the cashier is chatting with the person in front, if you try to interrupt, you are considered to be either in a desperate rush (which would be highly irregular) or pretty rude. ", If she expresses interest in the activity as well, tell her more about it so she can attend: "Yeah, it's really fun. I hated that aspect. You have no idea how she feels about it until you actually ask so the only way to find out is to flat our ask her. But, I got hit on so frequently, I would have loved to stop it. The problem? Oh, sure. I've never asked out someone I've had no prior knowledge of and think it would be fun. Consider a series of improving options. Making statements based on opinion; back them up with references or personal experience. August 26, 2005 1:13 AM Subscribe (1) Say something that clearly demonstrates that you like her. I need her back. I have to admit I had NO idea that this was a *thing* with retail employees. I get enough catcalls on the streets. Whatever. He texted her later that night and now theyve been dating for like three months! You don't want to be banned for harassing employees who didn't want to date you. I dont want to put her into an awkward position and Im stuck between a note approach (too pussy for a man) and directly asking her out (confidence). If you call someone up out of the blue and she never even talked to you she wont know if you are some complete psychopath and will be very concerned that someone is watching her without her being aware of it. But if she's more sensitive, even this will upset her, freak her out and make her uncomfortable every time she has to help you again. Maybe thats what our OP should do. with a side of awkward (sorry, I play for team rainbow, but good luck to you). So, for me, Id play it extra-super-cautious and wait for the big neon sign and the person to ask me. Anyway. Please dont. Seriously. Should I just hope that I will meet her after work at the parking area? But then, Im from that younger generation of people who hang out instead of going on proper dates. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Most? By clicking Post Your Answer, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy. Never accept a cashiers check thats written for more than the amount you asked for. This guys comfort level has been a huge concern of mine. I think this is well said and I agree with you. Youre visualizing a very specific scenario, where youre being asked out in a very nonthreatening way, presumably by having a woman express interest in you, which doesnt happen so much in a culture that discourages women from doing this. But don't do it at her work. This was in the rural South and I was a very, very closeted gay woman. Seriously, how do you ask out a cute cashier (F) without being "that guy"? Disclaimer: I have never worked in retail, so Ive never had this experience. Don't go forcing this or setting up though, because again that might just gain you the 'creep' label and might seem like you're stalking her however you do handle that encounter. should I even consider interviewing somewhere else if Im happy with my job. The guys who hit on me were really gross and it was quite a turn off. I still think its creepy to approach the crush him/herself, when theyre obligated to be nice to you. Try to engage her when you see her, but just minimally. Its possible that he is burning with desire for you but would get in serious trouble if he asked you out on a date. If theyre burning with desire, theyll run into you. The ball is in her field as of now and she'll be the one to decide if she wants to play. So I had the chance to get to know him a little bit, he got to know me a little bit, we established a rapport, etc. We met a few more times for drinks and visiting expos but no further attraction developed, so nothing else happened.
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